April 23, 2017

April Showers Bring May Flowers..

At least that's what I hope for.

And no. I'm not speaking literally here. I'm not talking about April's rain and May's flowers and Spring to finally arrive full force.

I'm talking about the messy weather that's been going on inside my head lately.

I won't bore you with the details about my latest, ongoing anxiety battle and quite honestly I don't feel like writing it all out. Instead, let's talk about how anxiety affects us. Our mind and body. I'd love to know that this isn't just me..

"How can I feel so good, so normal one minute and the next I'm a complete mess?

Why does every little ache and pain cause my mind to spiral out of control and settle on the thought that I'm going to die? Any minute now.

Why does my anxiety cause so much body pain anyway?

Should I try medication? Is that the only thing that will help me now?

Medication scares me...

If I try it will I need to be on it for the rest of my life? But if I don't try it...will I be like this for the rest of my life?"

It's safe to say I've taken a beating this past month (well, two months) by my old friend anxiety. I feel like it's consuming me and I have no clue what to do about it. I've been to the doctor a handful of times this month and each time I'm met with the same conclusion. "You need to do something about your anxiety". Each time I'm offered the choice of medication which, I'm beginning to think very strongly about. There are other factors when it comes to me starting medication though so it's not like it can happen just like that.

I don't know...

I'm taking small steps to overcome my anxiety. Having doctors check out my "problem" areas and getting the OK eases my mind for a while. I stopped eating both dairy and gluten (I have sensitivities) and while I still feel anxious I can honestly say my head hasn't felt this clear in a long time. I've read that eating gluten when you have an intolerance to it can cause all sorts of problems for you. Anxiety and depression being a major one. I've only been gluten free for two weeks now so I'll let you know how I feel in another two weeks. I've also been talking things out with my boyfriend and various family members which seems to help a little.

One thing I know for sure is that I will never let anxiety take over completely. No matter how hard it pushes me, I'll push back twice as hard.

Because I'm choosing to believe no matter how many showers I get caught up in....with even the smallest bit of sunshine flowers can't help but push right through the dirt and bloom like they're meant to. 


  1. Thank you for sharing such an open and honest post. I've struggled with anxiety for the past few years, which has been especially triggered by emotional turmoil in my life, and it's something that I live with everyday. I love the fact that you're fighting hard against these feelings--you go girl!


    1. Thank you Courtney! I'm sorry you've been struggling with anxiety of your own xx I think we'll both beat it :)

  2. I'm so sorry you've been going through such a hard time! I've been struggling with a specific type of anxiety following something that happened last year and I can completely relate to those consuming thoughts. The fact that you're not letting it take over is such an incredible thing and you're definitely stronger than you think!! I hope things get better much much better for you Renee and that may does bring more sunshine to your life! <3 xxx

    1. Thank you so much Samantha <3 Anxiety seems to affect a great deal of us huh? I have been feeling a lot better since yesterday so I hope this is the beginning of some better days ahead :)